fun story shenanigans

This place had been ded for a while so I figured y not do some dumb game. Literally the title. Say some shit and the next person adds on so it eventually becomes an epic of grand proportions that will rival the works of Homer. I'll start.

As I opened the door, a musty and unsettling scent wafted up to my nose.

(Nice, I started a game this on a redfog game I was playing. Equally as interesting, it started very similarly)

"Ah, home sweet home."

Well, at the very least, it definitely was sweet. A sickeningly strong tinge of honey and syrup filled the air, intermingling with the scent of lilac and gooseberries. What the hell was going on in my house? I glanced around and saw, to my dismay ...

... my dog had happened upon my secret perfume collection that I kept around for rainy days. The smell I was getting was the most bizarre combination of scents because it looks like he'd tried out just about every one of them. He suddenly whirled around and saw me. "I- I can explain!", he stammered, clearly embarrassed and a bit startled by my early arrival.

(Also, I was thinking of the redfog game too. That was fun! Until nobody else really participated....and speaking of stories and games and AWBW... what ever happened to the text adventure?)

The lousy oaf had failed to consider just how much the collection cost me -- half of my newfound fortune was spent on tracking down the finest bottles of fragrance from every corner of the globe! Regardless, I stared down at him with a furrowed grow as I awaited his explanation. It needed to be pretty damn good to justify dicking around with my scents.

(I kept putting updating it off since finals week, and it got to the point where I just forgot about it for a few days. I would definitely revive it considered the players still want to participate)

Ashamed, Ruff-erford B. Hayes explained, "Well, uh... remember that 'Venereal Diseases in the Animal Kingdom' lecture I attended? Well, I sniffed a lot of butts that day. So many Butts. But one Butt, the butler's Butt, Had a certain "stank" to it. At first I wanted to heave, but then I started to believe, that butt was made for me!" B. Hayes began to cry little doggy tears. "I..*sob*..just..*sob*.. wanted to smell it again *sniffle*"...

"Alright, alright. That's enough." I replied. I was sympathetic to the poor dog's situation, as I'd been there before myself, but the sympathy wasn't quite enough to quell my rage. "Look, I really feel for you here and I wish there were something I could do, but for crying out loud, you profaned my precious procurement of perfumes, pup! Did you really think that would help?!" Seething, I pause for a moment to collect myself, closing my eyes and slowly massaging my temple, though the grimace on my face remained. At long last I looked up and said "Okay, I've figured out what we're going to do about all this, but I promise you're not going to like it."

Ruff-erford stared upwards with hopeful eyes as I began to unveil my plan. "As you know, I'm quite well versed in the lore of wild beasts and otherworldly organisms." His eyes began to droop a little bit. "There is a certain type of sandcrab that leaves behind scent-cleansing droppings that should be able to remove these assaulting smells and make the place habitable again." His face began to slowly turn more sour with every word. "In order to attract them, we have to offer a revoltingly-smelly dog as bait. Which you fit the criteria for already." At this point he had curled up into a ball. "Fron there we can hunt the crabs for their droppings, although they may be a challenge given their speed and ferocity -- but we can handle them, right? Whatcha think?"

After what seemed like a week to Rufferford of weighing options, he decided.
"Ok," he growled reluctantly.

The rank smelling dog and I left the house immediately to head to the nearest Staples, where I purchased all of the printer paper they had. Rufferford seemed to be struggling with the math of the situation so I enlightened him: "We need to build a boat. The sandcrabs don't live around here; they're on an island, see." He continued to look at me in confusion so I continued, "We'll be building a boat so that we can get there." I gestured toward the paper to make my point, but he still wasn't getting it. With a sigh I finished my explanation. "We're going to use this paper here", I said as I pointed at our purchase, my tone the epitome of condescension, "to build a boat using the multi-sheet origami technique I learned in the Himalayas. Once we have a boat we can sail to the island with the sandcrabs. Get it?"

"Origami? I don't have thumbs..." The array of smells started to get to Rufferford's head. "HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO MAKE A GODDAMN BOAT OUT OF PAPER! NOT EVERYTHING IS AS SIMPLE AS VENERAEAL DISEASES OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM!" Returning his outburst, Rufferford cried, "I'm a bad dog!" He daintily pulled a tissue from the dispenser and blew his nose into it. He then realized he did have thumbs, and felt even worse. "Let's just get this over with..." Rufferford slips on his sailboat shoes, and his yellow raincoat and headed for the door.